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now its all leaked again. breakdown. bloodshot tears. aching heart.
all of my 'bad' memories suddenly appeared again ...and i can't stop myself from crying over it....
...because..i have endure for quite a long time now....
..outside...i always put this thick 'mask' so that my heart could withstand any hardship too...
...like being neglected and thrown aside....
...thats probably what hurt me always everyday...
...and i just try to walk around it and just 'smile' and the one who did it...
...cause i already think of them as 'friend'...but i guess they're still not ready to 'accept' me yet...
...of course..i chit chat some with them...but they're still look more 'antusiastic' more if its only the two of them...
...it IS really visible in my eyes...
...right now i only want FRIENDS...
...i don't care about BOYFRIEND...and i don't care if i can't find any SOULMATES for the rest of my life...
...all i want now is just....be friend with someone...
...having normal conversation....laugh together...making jokes together....
...i have lost my laugh since i graduated from senior highschool.......
......i miss my senior high friends...they're really understands me...and thats really makes me happy...
ah.....crying some bloodshot tears really lifted up my bad feeling a little...and i'm feeling much more lighter....haaaa
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